The Receding Darkness

It's usually around Imbolc that my seasonal depression starts to subside. This year was complicated a bit by the fact that I went through an incredibly stressful job transition. I actually applied for the job last spring but I didn't get hired until the winter. I would never willingly change jobs during the time of year when my energy levels are the lowest. But hey, plans don't always unfold the way we think they will.

I think my energy started coming back about a week ago. I was able to start writing chapter 68 in "I, Construct". It's now got 850 pages exactly. I was able to exercise three days in a row. I do want to get back into shape again. My elliptical machine is no longer gathering dust.

One of the other reasons why I want to get into shape is that my spiritual potency also decreases quite a bit in the winter. It's VERY hard to do any kind of magical workings when one's body is depleted and exhausted. Part of my magical practice involves sunlight and it's hard to come by in the dead of winter. But now the daylight is returning. It's still light for about 20 minutes when I get off work now. I will be glad when it is no longer pitch black when I get up in the morning.

I haven't had too many nightmares since developing a warding ritual a year ago. I used to be haunted by the vengeful imagery of my rather evil father. I seem to be able to block him out pretty well these days. I think I've had nightmares about him maybe twice in the past year. I used to be tormented by him in my dreams nearly every week.

I am glad to have found the Wiccan path. The understanding of the seasonal cycles and the appreciation of the role of life, death, decay, and regrowth in the ecology has helped blunt the worst of my seasonal depression. I know that deity does not hate me (like I used to think every winter when I was a Christian). I used to think God was punishing me each year. Now I know that it is just a yearly cycle in my own energy and that I am loved all year long by the God and Goddess. I am also glad that magic does actually work. It's not the same Hollywood "magic" of course. But in the Wiccan sense of the word, it does work. Blessed be.