So, one of my phobias is somehow ending up being one of those 500-pound, middle-aged slugs that is so heavy that he has to do his grocery shopping using an electric scooter. I can't make myself stop eating (I lack the willpower to eat significantly less than I do) but I do seem to have the willpower to exercise. So I do -- a lot.
On Friday, I had the day off thanks to the budget cuts (I still have my job, thankfully, but sometimes the office closes because of the Governor's decree to save money). So I was feeling paranoid about my weight since it had rained earlier in the week and I was unable to get the amount of exercise I usually get. I went to the NCR trail and walked 14 miles. While I have walked that length before, I really stepped up the pace this time. My sustained speed was 3.9 MPH for the whole walk.
Doug and I also stayed out until 2:00AM doing karaoke that same night. It was a real blast.
The next morning, I was so tired that I could hardly stand up. I guess doing a huge amount of exercise combined with staying up really late was not the best activities to put back-to-back. I feel better today, however.
The rational mind would suggest that the closer I get to age 50 the less I have to worry about being a 500-pound slug. While my psyche is 29, the physical body is 41. So, rationally, it would be pretty hard to somehow gain 310 pounds in nine years. But who ever said that phobias were rational? Realistically, I'd like to be 20 pounds lighter than I am. But I just can't seem to accomplish it.
I am a vegetarian. I don't drink alcohol to excess (I've had one mixed drink in the past three months). I don't smoke. I am not excessive in consumption of sweet things. And I surely do exercise. And yet my weight remains rock-steady at 20 pounds above what it should be. I suppose that my one really bad dietary item is cheese. I just like cheese way to much to give it up. I often worry that if I ever lose my discipline for exercise, I'll balloon up to 500 pounds very quickly.
I don't want to end up being the kind of person that cannot climb a flight of stairs, can't fit onto a roller coaster ride, can't squeeze into a fuel-efficient compact car, and can't buy el-cheapo off-the-rack clothes. I don't want to be on a dozen medications for blood pressure or diabetes. In theory, I'm supposed to be on medicine for tachycardia but I don't take it. I've tried it and it interferes with my ability to exercise, so that's a deal-breaker.
So, the long and short of it is that I completely destroyed any enjoyment I could have had on Saturday because of fear. That really sucks. Fear sucks.
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