Feeling Unwell

This is not the best weekend ever. I'm still waiting for the insurance check to come so that I can get the roof and ceiling fixed. The temporary patch is leaking. It's not leaking a *lot*, but I am not happy about dragging the buckets out again. In theory, the insurance check should come this week sometime. The sooner the better.

From a metaphysical standpoint, I blew it on Friday. I was doing a healing ritual and I didn't ground correctly afterward. The result is that I was physically wiped out on Saturday. This morning (Sunday) I woke up with a cold. Good one! :(

I also find myself angry and disappointed with my sister. She abandoned my mom on Christmas Eve to sneak off to Tennessee. I suppose she found some new victim with deep pockets. She has, thus far, declared bankruptcy twice, has had two marriages go belly-up from massively conspicuous infidelity, and also drained every penny out of every husband/lover she's ever had. She also stole from my grandmother when she was still alive.

But, last summer, she *swore* she had changed her ways and moved up to Pennsylvania to help take care of mom. And she did. For a while. Then she started sleeping around with anyone with a zipper. Then she moved away on Christmas Eve with no notice or explanation. I guess she figured out that mom is destitute and that caring for someone desperately ill takes a lot of effort.

My brother does the best he can but he is an hour away from mom. I live four hours away and can't do a whole lot.

So... This isn't too good this weekend. I feel sick. I am sad that I can't do a lot to help mom (I'm almost as broke as she is and I'm four hours away.) The weather was so dark today that the street lights stayed lot all day. :(

Busted Roof

I'd upload a picture of the roof but I don't have a tall enough ladder. Apparently the big wind storm that rolled through on Friday ruined the roof on our house. So the insurance adjuster is supposed to be coming out on Monday to see what has to be done. I am hoping it doesn't rain tomorrow -- really hoping it doesn't rain. Egads.

From the Wiccan perspective, I take great comfort in the firm knowledge that "shit happens". My ruined roof is not the result of divine wrath. It's not because I'm gay. It's not because I cannot afford to tithe. Disasters just happen.

Realistically, there're not really such thing as "bad weather" either. There's weather that is capable of destroying my property. But there's no moral component involved. It just is what it is.

I am, however, glad that I'm the kind of person that pays bills on time. So my insurance will cover the cost of getting the house fixed. It's stressful and it's a drag. But it is what it is.

On the bright side, I have a firm date set for teaching my first Wicca class at Candles & Cauldrons. Starting May 29th, I'll be teaching an 8-part introduction to the Wiccan faith. Very cool.

I'm very displeased with my sister. She abandoned our mom (who is terminally ill). She snuck off to Tennessee after extracting every red cent out of her boyfriend. She had lived only three miles from mom. My brother, Andy, lives an hour away and I live four hours away. This sucks. I'm basically through with speaking to my sister for the foreseeable future.

Better Weather :)

I am really happy that we had warmer weather this week. I was able to do an outdoor walk almost every day. It is definitely looking like post-Imbolc weather. Of course, nothing is green yet. But the snow has almost all melted and the ground is thawing. The energy is changing from "rest" to "growth" even though it it not visibly apparent. I know that there will likely still be cold days ahead but it is trending warmer. It was a cold, dark, harsh winter. It's good to see the Wheel of the Year turn to the brighter time.

February 12th was the second anniversary of my Wiccan initiation (which means I've been involved in the Craft for three years). I've become a trusted member of Turning Circle in that time I am now an officer in that organization. We do "member", "officer", and "coordinator" as ranks as opposed to the usual "1st", "2nd", and "3rd" degree. But you get the idea. I'm very happy with my progression in the faith.

Life's to short to believe that God hates you. I think that realization was the thing that finally made me renounce guilt, fear, and self-hatred. Since I am a gay man, there is no way, under the rules of Christianity, that I could ever be loved by God. It's really that simple. Do I really believe that God hates gays? No. Do I think that the Bible is a tragically flawed, politically-motivated, and irrevocably contaminated view of God. Absolutely. The Bible was written by warlords of a desert nomadic culture. God had precious little to do with it.

Instead, I think that the spirit of God/Goddess works through us on a dat-to-day basis. God doesn't live in a book. God lives through us. It's why Wiccans don't need a Bible.

I'm leading a ritual this upcoming Friday. Doug is leading the service for Ostara (spring equinox). Life is good :)

Thoughts on Imbolc

This was the first day in a while that it was warm enough to do a decent nature walk. I really missed being outdoors. I missed seeing the trees and the sky. So it was good to get out for a while. I did a five-mile walk. It was pretty nice.

We had Imbolc recently (February 1st). Thanks to some weather problems, we didn't actually hold the service until February 10th. However, this year's Imbolc service was led by Moonlight. It was the first ritual she ever led, and I was proud of her for being able to plan a really nice service. She seemed pretty nervous, but she got through it just fine. Rituals only get easier with practice :)

Of course, we also had the biggest turnout ever at Turning Circle. 27 people attended! When I joined Turning Circle three years ago, there were five core members and 3-4 irregulars. Now we have 12 core members and 10-15 irregulars. Our pursewarden actually has a purse to warden over these days, hee hee.

So... What does Imbolc mean to me? It's a good time to invoke Brigit for a healing ritual. It's the end of the darkest quarter of the year. It's a time when I can feel the life energy just beginning to gather for the growth that soon will arrive. Although the days remain cold, the light is returning. It is a period of anticipation.

No recent photo ops

For all intents and purposes, I'm a warm weather person. I don't even mind when it's very hot. For example, I did a 14-mile power walk in 105 degree weather. But I sure don't like cold weather much. So, alas, I don't get out much when it's freezing cold.

It was 14 degrees out yesterday when I did the grocery shopping. The sky was flat grey and the sun looked like a heatless brass disc in the sky. Very uninspiring. Even the limited exposure outdoors made me feel fatigued.

So... There will be more entries and more pictures when it's at least 40 degrees out. For now at least I'm sorta trapped in the house for the next six weeks or so when the weather starts warming up.

But fear not, friends, spring will come. There will be new flowers, new growth, new butterflies, and the critters of the woods will return. The wheel of the year turns. This is just a quiet part of the year.

Teaching?

I'm very excited that I might be teaching a class on introductory Wicca this spring. The owner of Candles & Cauldrons also has space for instructors who want to teach about various magical topics. My plan is to have eight 1-hour lessons. I also got permission from the coordinators of Turning Circle.

So now comes the tough part: writing the curriculum. I have the first two lessons written and I'm writing the third lesson now. Here's the outline of my lesson plan:

Part One
-- What Wicca is and what Wicca isn't
-- Brief history of modern Wicca
-- Cult Awareness

Part Two
-- The Wiccan Rede
-- Basic Core Beliefs and Ethics

Part Three
-- The Eight Sabbats
-- Moon Rituals (Esbets)

Part Four
-- Essential Ritual Tools (Athane, wand, chalice, pentacle)
-- Additional Ritual Tools (broom, cauldron, censer, boline, etc.)

Part Five
-- Constructing a ritual

Part Six
-- Basic meditation exercises

Part Seven
-- Basic spellcraft
-- Magical correspondences.

Part Eight
-- Divination tools (Tarot, Runes)

So... I'm pretty excited. Hopefully the class won't be a bomb. :)